Neulich bei der Lösungsfindung...

Recently in a bureaucrats office...

As a special service for my numerous foreign followers, I translated a recent post 😉

Dad: Good morning, my name is Notimportant.

Official: Good morning Mr. Notimportant, how do you do? How can I help you, Sir?

Dad: My wife and I are expecting and we're both devout Pinkistians and wanted to have our child cut after birth, err… sort of… something like circumcision. We call it pink-mila. I just want to be sure, that I’ll not get into any legal issues.

Official: So if it is a girl, it is completely forbidden; if it’s a boy it is completely legal and allowed – of course it should be carried out professionally.

Dad: But of course we will do it professionally. I already have an operation date in 5 months. Why is removing the last link of the little finger of the left hand prohibited for girls and allowed for boys?

Official: What are you planning to do? Cut off a Finger?

Dad: A finger! How dare you, we are not Carpentestrians! We Pinkistians stand in a covenant with our pentagram-like creator and in its fivefoldness he has given us the law that every believer must be separated from the last link of the little finger of the left hand – here, see, I miss that too.

Official: But that's a serious assault!

Dad: If we are not allowed to do that, life for Pinkistians is impossible in this country!

Official: But you are harming your child for his whole life! It only has 9 fingers ...

Dad: That is not entirely true. First, only the last link is missing, meaning the little finger is still 66% intact. Secondly, it also has medical benefits. Many germs get stuck under the fingernails and are then spread from there. Studies have shown that removing a fingernail - or a phalanx with a fingernail - reduces the risk of transmission by 10%. Fingertip-cancer is also reduced by 10% - as a Pinkistian doctor has found. Pinkistian children also pick much less in their noses, a study has found a reduction of almost 50%. You see: only advantages! In addition, my wife and I agree that our child's hands should look like ours - and we also lack the last link.

Official: You can't cut a finger off a healthy baby!

Dad: Of course we can, my parents took off mine as well, see! As I recall, they used a cigar-cutter then, but we are not so barbaric. We’ve already made an appointment with our doctor and our little one will get all the anaesthesia he needs – and we bought an extra sharp cigar-cutter.

Official: But it’s against the law!

Dad: You just told me, that I can cut off a piece of his dick and get away with it. Why do you make such a fuzz about the last link of the little finger of the left hand? That’s ridiculous.

Official: Err… the circumcision is a practice with a cultural heritage of several centuries, if not millennia. In Judaism, there are priest-like specialists, the Mohels, who do this with great expertise. After the prepuce is removed, the Mohel receives the blood with his mouth – at least that’s what I was told.

Dad: A priest sucking on a baby’s dick is conform with the law? What country do we live in?

Official: But it’s their culture!  

Dad: So what? The longer you butcher children's genitalia, the more legal it gets? Is this what you wanted to say?

Official: No, of course not. It’s just covered by religious freedom.

Dad: So what are we Pinkistians? A bunch of barbaric goatherds? I’ll surely complain to your superior about your behaviour! This is an infamous defamation of all Pinkistians. Just because we are a small denomination do we have not equal rights to other believers? Show me your duty-number, I need this for my lawyer .... What is worse? Losing the last part of the little finger of your left hand if you have an intact right hand, or getting a major part of your penis amputated? So I would clearly choose the former!

Official: If you can find a doctor to do this at all ...

Dad: Our doctor is also a Pinkistian!

Official: ... who does this, you and the doctor can be prosecuted for a severe assault against the health and body of another person.

Dad: Then we will have to have our fingers cut off abroad. So far it has come in this country, you can mutilate penises, not vulvae, and Pinkistians are forced to decent into illegality! But I tell you, even if I’m locked up for 10 years, I’ll serve that sentence easily to save my child's soul from eternal hell!

Neulich beim Bedeuten...

Hier hat sich telepolis mal wieder selbst übertroffen. Ein aus meiner Sicht sehr guter Artikel, der die Absurdität der social-media-Befindlichkeiten auf den Punkt bringt:

Wer nicht imstande ist, den modernen Sklaventreibern zu Leibe zu rücken, zum Beispiel dem Amazon-Chef Jeff Bezos, wer an der Macht der heutigen Eliten und Großkonzerne nicht rütteln kann, der tobt sich aus in solchen Ersatzhandlungen, der rückt Denkmälern von Personen zu Leibe, die gar nicht mehr existieren und schon lange nichts mehr zu sagen haben. Von "Aufarbeitung der kolonialistischen Vergangenheit" ist da zwar vollmundig die Rede, die Frage ist vielmehr aber, ob es nicht eher um Ablenkung geht, um eine den heutigen Mächtigen nur willkommene Ablenkung des Zorns auf Ersatzobjekte.